A4 Briefs

Strewn about words

A4 briefs.

Unkempt, uneasy

Gasping for a little space,

A little grammar.

Impersonal black font,

The words gasp for breath.

As the briefs compete for space

On my stacked desk.

Small words come to life

On the backs of those briefs.

Poetry breathes

In this inane mundane world.

Giving me space

To breathe a little.

A Deal with the Devil

Pen and paper beside

Endless thoughts brewing on my mind

Let’s see, how to begin

Oh look, there’s a notification!

Listless faces, infinite stories

Such overwhelming information

Might I just take a minute’s break?

Any likes or comments- a quick check.

Time passes, months fly

The summer winds gently sway

This raving demon consumes my soul

It carries me up and away.

Such a possessive spouse,

A more obsessive partner I haven’t seen

We are in a co-dependent relationship.

We’d have to go to therapy

But ah Facebook, only you have understood me!

Now you love me, now you don’t

You make me feel pretty;

You make me sound smart.

I’ve never met anyone like you

I’d trade every reality for this illusory you.

It’s true I haven’t read a book in eons

Not even made a friend- a real one that is.

But it doesn’t matter you see

My Facebook friends are more than 450.

We are closer than you think

We talk everyday, sometimes by night

And when my neighbour (some name I forget) commits suicide

That’s what I put up as status.

My FB friends are very concerned

They shower me with affection

I know they care and they do.

I’m not lonely as that neighbour too.

Morning to night, I search

Crazy anecdotes, curious sightings, whatever I can find

To impress my invisible friends.

But the day my status gets less than 10 likes,

I gasp. I stare aghast, afraid

To acknowledge my worthless existence.

Why does nobody love me?

Am I that repulsive, that boring?

What would it take to just ‘like’ me?

Because you see, attention is a transient drug

Keeps you high till the effects wear off

Very soon, 10 likes aren’t enough.

You need more and more. As far you can go.

His photo got more comments than mine.

Does that mean he’s more popular, more charming?

Ah Facebook you bitch,

You have created a pool of contagious narcissuses

Each feeding off the popularity of other

Distracting us from the real world.

Attention keeps us high, in a vegetative state

We’re all kings and queens here

Just a reflection of our true selves.

So take my home, my pen, paper and soul

Take my beauty, my vitality, my youth

Take my knowledge, my urge, I care not

So long as my profile is ‘followed’ the most.

Walking on a Tight Rope

I walk a tight rope

Towards a dark invisible goal

Thousands of cheery faces urge me on.

I look below.

Small skyscrapers

Scared I stumble

Nothing to hold on, nothing to fall upon

The abyss looks up at me.

Like the mouth of a hungry beast.

But with nothing to hold on, I fall down.

Hamster Racing

Angry Voices, Chirpy Voices

Excited Voices, Expert Voices.

I wish I could turn them off

Like the remote control of a TV.

Dodging my way through the voices

I search for the prize, my Light

But the voices are so many

One-eyed sperms, they obstruct my way

I dodge, I jump, I twist

I do more acrobatic turns than Anderson Neo

And I get ahead of the voices.

Oh thank god! I breathe fresh air. 

But wait! 

Now they are after me, these voices.

I run and run.

Towards Light. Nirvana. The Prize. My Goal?

The voices keep on trailing me.

The path ends abruptly.

I fall off the edge.

Down and down

In a deep dark abyss.

No light. Surely the voices can't see me?

I can't see them.

Quick, that rock!

I hide behind

No voices, excited or annoyed.

Angry quirky happy flappy

None.

I eventually give in.

Exhausted I sleep.

Dark dreamless sleep

My pounding heart begins to rest

I and my heart, we sleep

Comforted in each other's company.

"Tring tring", my heart wakes up in fear

"Tring tring", my phone rings
"Tring tring", a voice I can no longer bear.
"Tring tring", my heart at me stares.

Twins Nervousness and Exhaustion run away

My heart calls them back. 

But they run.

I'm speechless.

And soon in the cool, dark cave

Light streams- voices glowing sperms!

And the cave glistens

A heated array of electric lights.

"Tring tring", one one-eyed voice smiles

"Tring tring", one excited voice hovers

"Tring tring", a non-chalant voice waves

"Tring tring", a bossy voice observes.

And so I realize

The voices were with me all along

Could never run from them.

Phone in hand,

I long to be 

A carefree spirit again.

Insomnia

Nights are dark
Days are bright
I can't sleep
Whether dark or light.


Pills and drugs don't work.


It's not as if I don't want to sleep.
I badly badly do
I would do anything
For a good night's rest.


I dream of sleep, sweet bliss
And pray that I get to sleep.
At least for one night!
I feel drowsy, I feel tired.
But sleep eludes me, try as I might.


Thoughts images come screaming to me. 
The moment I close my eyes.
And sweet bliss evades me
With voices from outside.


Peace, peace is what I need.
For a goodnight's sleep.
But the voices won't stop.
And the thoughts will feed
On my exhausted mind.


The poet is a tortured soul, I smirk
Might as well write a poem berserk.
But is this a poem?
A memoir? An epitaph?
No it is but a piece of trash.

Loneliness

A lonely night
A moonless night
It's not fair; it's not bright.


Cold breeze flutters my hair
Tells me I'm not alone
I look at the night
Distant majestic light
And atone.


Will you be my friend?
I ask the Night
She looks at me speechless
Owls gape, bats smile
Loneliness flutters
She walks away...


Where can I find a friend,
In this big wide world?
Who is there, who is truly mine?


Humans detest me.
With hope, I ask the animals
Will they be my friend?
A sick dog, a naughty parrot?
A big fat furry cat?


The sick dog finds a kinder friend
The parrot dies
The cat befriends the food.


In despair, I turn to Nature
Trees, sky, wind
Rivers, mountains, cloud
Surely they would be my company
And drive out these demons, so hungry?


But Nature has her own course
I'm her subject, not friend.
Not an equal.
My emotions, my passion
Are but just events
In her larger schema.


So here I sit by 
On a dark silent night.
The only sound that of crickets
And loneliness, my only company.

Nothing

This post is exactly what the title says. About Nothing. I have become a bit of a stoic nowadays. Nothing upsets me. Nothing disturbs me. Nothing and Nobody. I was musing about it and wondering if perhaps it was a good thing. One of my blogger friends rejoicingly said, "Perhaps? It definitely is a good thing." I was like, ":/.  Yeah Maybe."


Seen enough. Actually things don't bother me as much as people do. I love to get engrossed in things so long as I can do them in an impersonal manner. Or superficially. People, well that's a different ball game altogether. They talk and talk, one time they are hot, the other time they are cold. All my Psychology classes and I still haven't figured out how to deal with them. Magically I can deal with them when I think of their problems as 'things' and approach towards a solution. But otherwise, No Way. I have never been able to figure people out and after years of trying, I don't want to figure them out anymore. 


It's different. It's difficult. To not come out of your reserve in the twelve years of school life. And then to make a strong decision; that you have to mingle with people; see what they are like. Stop being unsocial. But of course, it would never be easy. But you try anyway. People judge you from a distance, look at you with suspicion, and then approach you with trembling steps. It's funny, in a way.


So you find new friends. But it is not easy. But then which things in life are? But they make you come face to face with a question; Why can't human beings be as simple as animals? Life would have been simpler..nicer, probably better. I have mentioned in other posts, how unable I am to understand human beings. I don't blame them. They are what they are. But I am not going to get attached to them any more. I have had enough. And somehow, this indifference does seem better. Life stays peaceful. An intoxication perhaps. But it is better than nonsensical complications. 

Barney Stinson, Chandler Bing and The Police Inspector: A Case of Social and Personal Rejection

I have recently developed an attachment towards How I Met Your Mother and The Simpsons. Robin and Barney are my particular favorites. While I can relate to Robin, Barney's character intrigues me. He is the epitome of hypocrisy; he engages in meaningless flings to complete his score card; he keeps on competing with himself and all for what? Nothing. Barney is probably the best character that shows the ennui, the loneliness and the anguish of modern life but not without a biting sense of humor. Particularly the narrator is also not sympathetic towards Barney's "exploits" or "conquests" as he terms them. 

Barney Stinson

He is rather cynical and this comes out in the form of biting sarcasm. However the narrator's friendship with Barney also leads us to seeing Stinson in a different light altogether. It just struck me while watching this show, how lonely a person can get even when he has the best suits, cars and riches that money can buy; a sense of anguish that even his friends cannot fulfill. When you compare this character to that of Joey of Friends, there is virtually no similarity. Joey was a much simpler guy, his comedy was much more down to earth as compared to the arrogant self obsession of Barney. 


I don't know why Barney Stinson has been compared to even Chandler! Frankly it escapes me. The kind of sarcasm as shown by Chandler and Barney are clearly of two different categories. Chandler showed his despair and frustration at the society through his sarcastic remarks. Barney on the other hand is a part of this very society. 

Chandler Bing

Chandler was a disgruntled office employee who criticizes about the shallowness of the corporate job everyday but never quite makes it out of the pond (except at the end when he quits his high paying job to become a junior copywriter). Barney is successful. It is very difficult to imagine Barney quitting the luxury of his life (and particularly his 'suits') for something more adventurous, more alternate! 

Barney has internalized the superficial hollow plasticity of society; it eats him up and he tries to break free of it by engaging in conquests which he thinks are acceptable by this very society. He doesn't take chances coz he fears rejection by society. He desperately holds on to the same mechanisms of society that eat him up. 

But my post is not about this. The concept of friendship struck me while I was watching a late night episode of The Simpsons. That's right, not How I Met Your Mother or even Friends; though I would say the friends are a much more harmonious combo in the latter. In the former, they seem all too busy with their own lives; much more estranged than they do in Friends. Anyways let me get back to this particular episode of The Simpsons before I digress further. 


Last night, they showed the story of a police inspector who had no friends and who is befriended by Homer. Homer likes this inspector but being the All American prototype that he is, he also does not fail to take advantage of this friend; the advantages being he wiping out his jail records completely from the police files. There is a shootout and the police inspector saves Homer while getting injured himself. We do not see if it really happens but when he wakes up, the police inspector finds Homer sitting right by his bed and saying that he has been there "the whole time". 

Homer Simpson

He does not hesitate to insult his subordinate who was waiting for him the whole time and had just come with a bouquet saying that he did not care about him. So anyway Homer gets bored and leaves. And later the inspector catches him saying what a "needy clingy" bore he was. This complicates situations but in the end everything is resolved and Homer and the inspector resume their friendship and as a guard puts it, "their friendship is like a flame now, it lacks the fireworks but it is more stable". This got me thinking. 


Is this a phase through which all friendships go? I particularly know a friend who is a lot like the inspector; needy, demanding, possessive, clingy at times. I am sure a lot of her friends might have behaved like Homer. "Needy clingy" people have been beautiful critiqued by Western comedy series as well as films before. It seems as if the dominant trait in Western popular culture is to make fun of anything and everything; from Justin Bieber to Barack Obama. 


The inspector is too blind to see people who care for him (refer: his subordinate who waited for him at the hospital the whole time while he got shot). On the other hand, Barney Stinson's ennui cannot be filled by even his most caring friend, Ted Mosby. Barney refuses to be needy, he channelizes his frustration through wanton sex and being arrogant to people. The police inspector channelizes his insecurity and egotism by blatant show of power; harassing his subordinates as well as the common people. How many of us have a dormant Inspector or Barney among us? Why is it so bad to be needy, to want somebody to care for you, even if it is just a friend? And who gives people the right to mock these "needy" people?


All in good humor, they say. Well I would like to know who actually laugh at these wisecracks. And how "strongly liberated" those viewers are. It is funny for a while but not always. Rejection might seem terrible to some. There is nothing to be ashamed of that. Everyone has flaws. Surely the fear of being rejected by a friend is an unreasonable one, surely you can't expect everyone to like you all the time or do exactly as you wish, but if it exists, it exists. Mocking these "needy souls" who only "act out as victims" won't help. Coz sometimes it might just be real.

Darkness

As I sit beside my window sill
On a lovely rainy afternoon
A thought passes by my mind
About a dark night on a new moon

No light anywhere
No scorching heat
The cool night breeze blows by
And softly ruffles my hair.

I pass by unknown paths
Darkness envelopes me
I revel in its spirit
Adventure beckons me.

But then day light dawns
Mundane life grasps me again
The call of danger is gone
And I return to civilization in pain.