Wednesday, October 23, 2013


My head hurts. The wall I have been banging it into for the past few weeks, refuses to break down. My head's strong. It refuses to give up. So does the wall. 

It's not pretty being sandwiched between an inanimate wall and an overanimated brain. I try coaxing it into finding another way, a better way. Something that doesn't involve me taking a bunch of painkillers. 

Climb it, perhaps? Fly over it? My head, like a tunnelvisioned bull, refuses to listen. Climbing takes time. Flying requires wings. 

"I know, I know, but do you think you can just stop before you break your bones?" I say gently, with a slight hint of indignation.

"There are no bones in the brain, you idiot", my brain hisses nastily, as it collides with the wall again.

"C'mon, I meant the are breaking it!" I retort desperately. "Anyway, why are you so angry? I thought the brain was supposed to be the calm reasonable voice. Being emotional is the heart's job". 

"Try hitting yourself repeatedly and see what it does to a calm rational voice", it mocks me.

"Well...hello!" I put out my hands, in exasperation. "Clearly, this pain is making you dumb. Maybe, if you'd just listen to me for a while.."

"Why don't you try telling your heart that? How many times have I told it that ideas don't like to be pushed out? If you've hit a block, try finding another route. But, it never listens." My brain desperately shouts the last words as it crashes into the wall.

Bang, bang. Bang!

"Ok, enough. Everyone listen. Brain, for the love of everything rational, STOP! Heart, what the hell is going on?" I cry, exasperated. The pain was becoming too much.

"I will overcome this. I will, I will. Nobody, nothing is going to stop me. I will overcome writer's block", my heart speaks breathlessly, for the first time.

"Stop..stop. You are killing us. Look, may be if you just took a break...". My eyes start to go blind.

"You won't stop me. I will overcome this block, I will keep on busting my head, till it breaks down..."

"The head or the wall?" I gasp one last witty reply as the world closes in on me. 

Monday, October 14, 2013


Fingers on his chin and head slightly bent, he looks at her silently from behind those big round glasses.

She stands, scared. A huge pile of papers in her hand and the expectation of having to perform weighs her down.

"Next idea", he silently murmurs.

"Umm...umm, so this is about a woman who brushes her hair with cactus..."

"What's the brand?" He inquires.

" softener", she mumbles.

"Oh..done", he says quietly.

"Already?" Her disappointment thinly veils the nervousness she feels around him.

"Hmm...yeah", he goes back to watching Breaking Bad on his computer screen.

She comes back to her desk, banging her head against the imaginary wall, for a millionth time.

"Be smart, be confident, be brave", she encourages herself.

"You know, it's been a while. Doesn't make sense for you to stammer so much in front of him. So, he's your boss. So, he's cute. So, he's witty. So he's intelligent. So what? You are not dumb. You are clever and funny and talented."

"And he's so remarkably down-to-earth. I didn't expect a celebrity to be like this".

"You're starstruck".

"Dearness, I'm crushing on him at the rate of 2 icebergs per second. Just last day, he was running down the conference hall like a child while explaining an idea. And yesterday, he was cycling. In the office. He's always teasing me. And, he talks ..I mean, really talks to me. You know I'm shy and I don't talk much with people. But he comes everyday just to talk to me. I mean, who does that?"

"All it takes to impress you is for someone to be nice to you".

"Dunno. But he's not just nice or talented. He's a good human being..."

"Or so it seems."

"I wish...I wish..", she began dreamily.

"Careful what you wish", the stern voice warned.

"Why can't I get guys like that?"

"Coz you become dumb when it comes to guys you like. You are smart and sweet and funny. But when it comes to guys you like, you act like a total retard."

"And now it's affecting my work. I mean, how on earth am I supposed to think of ideas when he just stands there being so cute, so friendly, with such an adorable smile and accommodating personality?"

"He's flirtatious. And you, are an idiot. You never learn, do you?"

"Apparently I don't", she mused grimly.

"Is this the first time a guy has been so charming to make you fall hard, and land with a thud on the floor?"

"No", she said quietly. Underneath though, she was thinking of his suede shoes and lime coloured watch. The fancy hat. The twinkle in those eyes hidden behind big glasses. That indomitable spirit. That sly smile. That seriousness with which he listened to every idea she had, no matter how flawed, how trivial. The poems she had written on him. The way he flirted with her, but still treated her considerately like she was his sister. How much he loved his daughter. His beautiful wife. And how, he was still so warm with her. And everyone around him. How he helped everyone. Even those who could do nothing for him in return. How straightforward he was. Blunt but never rude. How he found beauty in the tiniest of things. How he was frank with her. Fancy saying that her writing was like a 13-year old. How it had angered her. How she was so terribly terribly intimidated by him. Because of his down-to-earth behaviour. Would she be able to live up to his expectations? Did she deserve so much kindness? As she thought this, her eyes became watery.

"But you know", she continued, fighting the knot in her voice, "he's different from others. He genuinely helps people."

"So? Your job is to work so you can better yourself. Then find a new job. Don't you think I know why you did not leave even though you had other offers?", the stern voice thundered.

"Weh....Well, I thought I could learn from him", she stammered again.

"Sure you thought that, but you also liked spending time with him", stated the stern voice matter-of-factly.

"Yes, well who doesn't?" She smiled. His thoughts made her feel shy. 

"You are fooling no one except yourself. This is your life, YOURS.Whether you want to run it or ruin it, is up to you. Remember, a lot is riding on this."

The stern voice subsided inside her, telling her what she always knew. Just a young girl with big dreams, trying to make it in a big city. Did such feelings even have a place here? 

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Cast Away

I hate being ignored
Much less by you.
I hate being rejected
Not by anybody; never by you.

Despicable, tyrant of a heart
Says it improves my art
My tendency to rhyme
Is a farce to many; an obsessive crime.

I'll rhyme when I want
I'll write when I want
I'll feel what I want to feel
And you, Sir, are not going to change that.

You know what I hate?
About your whole bloody sex, I mean.
You make others care for you
Only to reject them right away.

What is this sadistic urge?
This destructive drive
To make people love you
Only so you could ignore them?

Now look what you've done
Made me hate myself
For falling into your charms
Only to be turned away.

Time and time again