Friday, November 16, 2012


Life keeps falling apart
Like the leaves of an autumn tree.
Like the old tiles of a disheveled bathroom
Like the remnants of a beautiful artifact
Like uncontrollable hunger.

As the bond nurtured over the years
Fails to stand the test of time,
So does Life
Fall Apart.

It's a cruel joke, some would say
Life gives you everything and then smirks,
It snatches away..

The last morsel
The last shilling
The last blood
The last hope.

The 'Perfect' Guy

Such a post I haven't written in a while. Such a piece I probably should have written a long time back. So I haven't exactly been fortunate in the choosing of guys. Part of this is my fault. And I would say part of this is their fault. But I can't. Not really. For you can't blame others for your own problems. 

So what makes a guy perfect? There is no "one" quality. Rather it is the mixing and matching of imperfect qualities of a person that complement your imperfection. So till now, I have always gone for the sweet and sensitive type. Needless to say, while they are very sensitive from animals to their mothers, none of this "sensitivity" works when they are dealing with me. Chasing an illusion, so to speak. If a guy treats strays with warmth, takes a dying stray from hospital to hospital, that does not mean he will be kind to you. If a guy loves and respects his mother, it sure as hell does not mean he will do the same for you. It doesn't mean he will do it for any other woman. Are you his mother? Are you his warm furry friend? Okay then.

I have noticed over the years, the kind of guys I have liked have been the ones with the best sense of humour among the whole congress (a bunch of baboons are known as a 'congress'). And it has ended with me feeling a little stupider every time. With the realisation that humour and wit is relative. And definitely not a yardstick to measure sense and sensibility. For as I graduated into newer arenas, they began to seem stupider and that made me feel stupid about choosing them in the first place.

So yes, I have learnt a lot from these past "accidents". But today I was thinking what exactly is it that attracts me to a guy? And in the midst of trying to find that one girl that my current crush could have probably liked, I realized, it was the "one"! Of course! I need to find guys with problems. It is not enough for a guy to be witty, sensitive blah blah. He needs to be an emo full of problems. 

Now I have seen that an established notion is, most women like "bad boys" or boys with problems. Unlike their instinctive need to "reform" their guy, I don't feel so at all. It's just that, a melancholy me probably finds a melancholy guy ideal. Understand his problems, be with them blah blah... the usual mothering. And I hate that word. For if you end up mothering anyone, that's what you will always remain for them, ' a mother', an agony aunt. Probably this is what is wrong in my interaction with humans, I end up listening to their problems and "understanding" them. Hence I become the agony aunt. The one who gets called to the funerals, but is never a presence at parties. 

I digress. Anyway so what I was saying is, mothering is not a good way to meet prospects or even meet friends. And I realize I should not care for the possible past whims of my current crush. As if that's going to help me win over him. As if I can bring the dead back. As if his happiness will make me happy. 

Another main point: If you think, his happiness will make you happy, think again. We say all sorts of stuff but we don't really mean all of them. 

Heartbreak will probably only provide me with inspiration for a few poems, posts and a feeling of how wonderful I am compared to that needy son of a bitch. True but then happy endings are not a dime a dozen.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Turns Out I am Elizabeth Bennet!

Took a Quiz on "Which Jane Austen character are you?" and the result was Elizabeth Bennet!

You are Elizabeth Bennet of Pride & Prejudice! You are intelligent, witty, and tremendously attractive. You have a good head on your shoulders, and oftentimes find yourself the lone beacon of reason in a sea of ridiculousness. You take great pleasure in many things. You are proficient in nearly all of them, though you will never own it. Lest you seem too perfect, you have a tendency toward prejudgement that serves you very ill indeed.

I am Elizabeth Bennet!

Thursday, November 08, 2012

Gee I am 'Sorry'

When did it start? When did I become this insensitive ruthless person indifferent to the feeling of loved ones? How did I lose it upon those who have sacrificed the most for me? Wait, I was always like this. Selfish, overbearing, self obsessed. What's new in this? I'm spoilt, kind of. Everyone knows I have a temper. And it's not that I don't realize my mistakes. But what's the use of realizing your mistakes if you are going to keep repeating them? When you keep on hurting the ones who love you? But can't bear to see those ungrateful leeches suffer who you love and who couldn't care less for you. Learning your true friends, that's what life is all about. But misbehaving with them time and again? People who you know, would NEVER leave you? Why push them to a corner to a point of no return? I am easily the most selfish spoilt brat I have met. Hurting the sensitive ones just where it hurts them the most is no act of self-gratification, it's plain cowardice. If you have to hurt someone to make yourself feel better, you are just a bully. And I hate bullies, when did I become one? So ruthless, so full of hatred... Being unhappy does not give me the right to make my loved ones unhappy. And after all, how much of 'Sorry' can you say?