For You

Your face is a shining beacon of light Your smile, pure dewdrops of night Your cuteness makes my day Just for you, I wanna stay.

Storm, fire, or lightning I'd come to office everyday Oh I wish I could stay! You see, your face brightens my day.

Your smirk, your pranks Encouraging people to take a chance Brave you are, mischievous too. Inspiring minds, with just a glance.

And though you & I could never be No, not even if you were single. You make my days happy. And continue to positively enliven me.

So thank you, once and for all, For all that you are, and more.

The Andalusian Dog

I wait for the teacher in the empty class. It is air-conditioned. Oh, no. Cut. Scene change. There is one more character in the room. A guy with his laptop who eyes me now and then. I see him, sigh and sit down next to him. He has a laptop. He starts to play cheesy Bangla "romantic" songs or something to that effect. Something in my head screams, "MORON". I don't let his laptop finish the first line of the song, barely wait to hear which language it is in. I drop my bag abruptly and leave the room. Outside it is hotter. 


I move towards the open window at the end of the corridor. It has a neat bench and lots of fresh air. Cool breeze comes rushing in every three seconds. I look towards the staffroom. Another sigh, this time a deeper one. Wish he was here. So gentlemanly. He looks at me, I look at him. He even switched on the AC for me last time. He is so brilliant, so...what do you call it, "avant-garde"! I ask ma'am whether she is going to take class. She says, "Yes, Definitely. But let others come." Tough luck. 


I message one of my classmates saying it is times like these when I miss her the most. Critical times. Meanwhile the laptop guy (I have a terrible desire to call him "MORON" for the rest of the story but I will control myself), comes out with his phone pretending to speak as if on the phone with someone, just so he could come and look if I am still there. 


For the second (or third?) time, my brain screams, MORON! Try something new. So then thankfully, our teacher arrives and she saves me from further torture. Or so I thought. He and I are the only ones attending the class today. So he asks me how many classes have gone by, and I am quick to answer, "I don't know." Small Talk. 


" Have there been more than 15 classes?" He continues. 
"Yes, I think so". 
"This is her first class?" He points to the teacher. 
"No, second." I say quietly. Pointless question because she was just talking about what she taught in the first class the day before.


And then my teacher looks for help to me as she goes on teaching new things about video, film and digital media. I put in an occasional helpful nod but hardly say anything, coz let's face it, I was sleeping in the first class. And how was I to know that nobody from last class would be here? Where is he? Mr. Chatterjee? He always knew the right things to say. He is such an amazing teacher. He's so quirky, so eccentric. Sighing I sadly update my FB status, but even that's difficult when there's only two of you and the teacher is looking right at you. And yes, someone else too. 


And then comes the icing on the cake. We are shown a surrealist film. Now those of you who are remotely acquainted with surrealism know that it is a magnificent and inexplicable thing. So I won't even try to explain it. The magnificence of this inexplicable "ism" is surplussed in Surrealist movies. I had seen one such movie earlier and the class was then taken by the man who I now miss so ardently. The movie gave me a shock, and I remember feeling dizzy for the next twelve hours. This time we were shown a less sexually explicit movie. 


For those of you who want to know, an important part of surrealism was to deal with sexual repression as enshrined in Catholicism. The interpretation of dreams excited them. So what you basically have in these 1930s silent films is the release of sexual desires by means of dreams. Since the whole movie is a dream sequence, so anything can happen, anywhere. No logic of time or continuity is followed. So here we are shown this movie by artist Salvador Dalí and filmmaker Luis Buñuel called Un Chien Andalou or The Andalusian Dog. 


This was a famous sixteen minute movie which is till date considered a testament of Surrealism in Europe. The artist paints his pictures through moving images. So anyway, I never got Surrealist films. And this one had an elaborate scene where the man who is dreaming continuously holds on to the woman's bosom. She refuses, then closes her eyes, then threatens to hit him with a stick. Quite frankly, the characters moved like cartoons and I found it so funny, I wanted to laugh out loud. But all I could manage was a little smirk. And it was killing me.


The pain of not being able to laugh because some stupid guy is sitting next to me eyeing me. I don't like anybody staring at me. It is embarrassing. If I like that person, I would look away even if he was staring at me. And if I don't like that person, I'd do the same. So yeah, there's no way of knowing.So anyway, the torture ended for the class ended soon enough. And as soon as it did, I bumped my notebook and pen in my bag and ran off from the class. Halfway out of the department, I realized I had forgotten my handkerchief in class. It was a judgment call.


Hanky important or Guy, I wondered. You will leave your faithful comrade Hanky in some unclaimed classroom because you want to run away from a stupid guy? Be brave.All decided under 30 seconds. It's not much to think about, but then I think about almost everything under the sun. Even the sun. Sometimes I feel I am a big thinktank, a tank full of thought. So I take a long jump back to class, snatch my hanky and make a run for the door again. The guy is still there. He catches up with me just as I am about to put on my shoes. 


He is running so fast he almost bumps into me. "Sorry". He says looking down, searching for his shoes. I don't care to mutter a reply or even look at him. Hardly putting my feet in the sandals, I make a run for the stairs. 3 floors of stairs. I sprint down the stairs, two at a time, like Jet Lee in some Kung Fu movie. He catches up with me as if Michael Johnson.


"Hey you study in this college, na?" 


Small Talk. I hate small talk.


"Yeah", I reply continuing my flexible stair sprinting skills. Jet Lee, how I admire thee!


"Which Department?" He tries to keep up with me. My feet hurt. He's smiling.

"Comparative Literature", I mutter. I don't like being rude. I also don't like being chased down a building. Yet here I am.

And then it comes. "Will you give me your number?" Think think. He's your classmate. Quite natural for him to ask for your number. What to do.

"Why?" The word comes out of my mouth surprising both me and him. 


"Well, I would get to know when classes will happen. I don't know na, that's why." Moron. The course is about to end and you don't know timings! What an excuse!


Quietly I say, "Course will end next week. Next class is last class."


"How do you know? They said they could extend the course till May."

"We were told."


"How do you know? Did you ask them?"

Now when confronted with individuals with less IQ, I stop and explain them things with minute detailing. "Gifted" people need to be explained things. And I would have even in this case, if not....


"Sir came. He talked to us. He said this month we will have the last class. No extension."

"Actually, I am here only for this month. After that, I will leave. In May."

Wtf! Am I supposed to shed tears for you now, MORON? 


Obviously he was very hurt by my "coldness" or "indifference" or I don't know what, but he went away. I stopped for a while. Checked my mobile. Pretended to read an important message. And then resumed walking. Ouch, my feet hurt.

And I thought, "Was I rude to him? Was it bad manners? Poor guy. Did I hurt him?"


And then my devilish side kicked the angel inside me to an unconscious state and I happily went for my bus. :) 

The Last Kiss

     

It was the onset of my last semester exam. I had just returned from a trip to the mountains. A friend studying in film school messaged me saying that she wanted me to play the lead in her next film. Ami Toh Sunei Attohara ('Listening to this I was overjoyed'). I held my breath steadily for the rest of the exam. What fun! Me acting in a movie! Wow..That had been a dream, since like a decade! I have always wanted to direct movies. The creative potential of the director always intrigued me. It also occurred to me that if I could not be the director, then at least I could be an actor, as then I would be able to actually act it out...So I waited. With patience. 

I asked my friend twice about the script and she said she would work on it as soon as she was finished with the heavier stuff. So I waited. With Bated Breath. After that, the time came. My friend met me one day to narrate to me the script of the movie. I listened quietly. The role was so intense that I could not say anything immediately. Just my kind of role; the kind I would love to do. And thus began our work.

We sat with the script one day. Another evening, I spent around 2 hours in the university acting out my role and discussing with her. One Saturday several still shots were taken. Further discussion was made with my co star. And shooting began from Monday. It was scheduled to happen for only two days, that is, Monday and Tuesday (Jan 10 and 11, 2011). Call Time was 6 am. :D Big Laugh. For any of the ones who know me, this is a big joke! I CANNOT ever get up early in the morning. 


As a matter of fact I am always late for my morning classes! My friend, the director knew this very well. So she chose to call me at 5:20 am! I opened my eyes, saw the phone ringing and strove to pick it up. But the ringing had stopped. And I chose to concentrate on the next best thing- trying to wake my mother up with whatever little sense I had so that she would in turn wake me up properly! (Yes I can be a very spoilt child st times. :|)

My Director called me up 20 times after that. I did not pick up the phone. Mostly coz of the fact that I was busy getting ready for the shoot and partly because I was scared she would shout at me. I said I would be at the shooting spot by 7:30 am. I was only 15 minutes late, which is acceptable by me. My Director knowing me inside out told me very directly, "Call Time is at 6 am. When will you be able to come?" I almost burst out laughing. So anyways I went on the shooting spot and soon I discovered that I was being treated like a star...It was amazing. 

Here I was sitting in the sun giving some expressions and there were bright young people with camera, sound and a bunch of other technical stuff who were doing a whole lot of physical and mental labor and I was the Star! I also discovered that even if there are two scenes in a movie, all those scenes have at least 50 shots which makes it all the more painstaking. I might be doing the same action over and over again but they take it from at least 5 different camera angles. Combine this with the sound systems and the technical snags that happen and film making is one hell of a project! I vowed that I will not act in movies ever after this project! Needless to say though, it was tremendous fun. Got to know a lot, see a lot.


The first day came to a halt. Ah finally. Sweet Bliss. I asked my Director friend when will it GET OVER? She smiled. She knew that one day of shooting was enough for me. 


The Second Day.


We prepared for a tough shoot. The final shots of the climactic scene had to be shot today. This was shot in the highest point of the college building. The Roof. It might sound very simple but it was not. We had to climb the stairs to a terrace of the main building. From their we took spiral steps only to come to a roof on an even elevated level. To reach that roof, one had to traverse through a couple of narrow cemented steps that did not have any railing. getting up was fine; it was coming down that made my heart skip a beat. Literally. So from that roof we had to go round till we came to a ladder- well not really ladder as it had a strong iron railing to go get up to the roof where the finale was shot. 

The roof was similar to the one in 3 Idiots, though the shots and frame are different in this movie. The director lost her cool and so did I during this part of the shooting. The only two people keeping their cool were my co-star and our cinematographer. My esteemed director became frustrated and threw away her notes and shot synopsis. The crew was scared to death of her. The rest of the shots progressed as they should, lots of edgy interactions between me and my friend. By the end of the shoot, I was extremely irritated and she was completely exhausted. And thus ended our extremely eventful shoot. :P 


Waiting to see the Final Print Out. 

Cute Guys

So what's wrong with the Almighty Creator? Why does he have to make beautiful girls all around but no good looking guys? You know how it goes? Good looking guys are not nice. Good looking nice guys are committed. And good looking nice single guys are gay. :(

It's so hard to find a good looking guy who would also be a good conversationalist. Most of us have to prioritize on one or more of the features if we want to "like" a guy. So imagine my surprise when after waiting for about 4 and a half years on the university campus I genuinely found not one but several cute lovely looking guys!! Imagine my surprise, my hysteria! It was as if I had found a diamond in the rough. At least I was so smitten by them when I found them on one of the social networking sites. I am jumping, jumping, jumping now! Yuppieee!

Rukte hain kahan hum roke se

Chalte hain hawa ke jhonke se

Apni toh aisi hai zindagi

Yehi apni adaa hai kya karein

Koi bura jo maane kya karein

Humse toh hai khafa ab sabhi

Jaane do chodo bhi

Talking of cute guys, I dreamed of an old flame today evening. Well okay fine, I have a thing for cute guys. And he was cute. And cool. Absolutely thanda thanda cool cool. Which is what I liked about him. But I dreamed of him in relation to death. I guess the reason for it was that I was reading a novel where the main character had just died. And the father of one of my students had just expired. So when I woke up, I was left with a nagging feeling of why I dreamed of him in relation to death. So anyways, it's always nice to find a cute guy in real life (considering all of them are mostly found in movies or serials: from leos to shahids to aijaz khans to amit varmas). So yes, right now I am ecstatic..regarding these guys. It never hurts to see a cute face staring at you ..blah blah blah..you get my drift. Particularly cute guys make me feel happy when I'm in a sour mood. So that's what I do when I'm in a bad mood or need some entertainment.

When it comes to movies or serials, I can list a series of names when it comes to cute guys. But I won't bore you with that list. Cute guys- are mostly young guys, even if they are old...they should have a younger charm about them. Leo is probably the best example in this respect. And to talk of Indians, who can forget Shahid and Ranbir? Truly they are the present heart throbs of Generation Y. And when it comes to Hollywood, need I even mention a list? It is always full of hotties and cuties and both!! Take for example, Steven Strait. The charmer charmed everyone with his magical powers in The Covenant.

When Leo acted in the Titanic for the first time, people around were really surprised. They had seen this guy act before but Titanic was definitely one of the turning points in Leo's life. One that made girls sit up and notice him and he was to become the blue-eyed boy of Hollywood for a long time to come. However Leo never limited himself to romantic roles. Rather he kept on taking up different challenging roles that explored his acting abilities right from The Gangs of New York to Catch Me if you Can.

Well, happy cute guys inspire cute happy posts. Pray that the Almighty creates more of these startling precious pieces! :P

Oedipus and The Human Condition

And here I am jumbling meaningless sh*t again, for no fault of mine. Oedipus Tyrannos- a fascinating text. Sir taught about the human condition today- precarious and unpredictable. So why does Oedipus go on searching for the truth when blissful ignorance surrounds him? Why do I take responsibility of a matter when there is nothing I can do about it? But you know what's more incredible? The human condition. The fact that people become so defensive when you hit (however unwittingly) at a person's soft spot.

A likes C. A tells that to B. B talks to D and says that A cares for C a lot. D says that to A. A feels bad. A accuses B of breaking A's trust. B tries to explain. B calls D up immediately and asks D to explain things to A. But A refuses to listen. Just plain listen. Even with the phone on, loudspeaker on, A refuses to listen.

Why does A refuse to listen? Does B feel bad? Don't ask me, ask them.

B has own insecurities. Like Oedipus, B has sworn to find the truth. B has to protect her reputation. B has to normalize her friendship with A. B can't let A talk bad about her in public. B is shy. B is scared. B, in one word, is a coward, afraid of people and what they say. But what about A?

Why is A so defensive? Isn't C just a friend? Why mind so much even if someone talks about it? Aah..friendship. A terrible thing. You know someone for ages. Sat beside him. Attended countless lectures. Looked into his eyes. Seen his loneliness. Why can't he be a little more matured? Why doesn't he see he's my best friend? Such an obnoxious childish fellow! Can't he see he hurts me so much by his indifference, his arrogance? Imbecile! Look at what you have done! Now others are saying I am obsessing about you! My friends think I talk of you all the time. What do they know? You are the one at fault. Not me! How dare they talk about me like this? And how dare, you, YOU of all people hurt me like this? Don't you know I miss you? Can't you see I HATE YOU?

P.S: All characters in this post are fictitious and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. :P

Hmm..what am I thinkin' ?

Finally exams are over. The last few months of my college days have been very educative. It was interesting to see different facets of individuals. Made new friendships, some old ones got broken. But everything does not stay with you for the whole time, does it? But it is interesting to meet new people and see their versions of life. A lot of my classmates will not be back with us for post graduation. I will miss them. Three years passed like three weeks. Can't believe just three years earlier, I was a fresher about to set my foot in one of the most prestigious universities of India. And now, I am a senior! Three years earlier, I was scared of being ragged. Now I have the ability to rag people. But I have not ragged any of my juniors. And nowadays freshers are smarter than what we were at their stage.

Times pass by so quickly. I remember it took me twelve years to love my school. And even after that I was glad that I was leaving it. But about six months before leaving school, my nostalgia about the institution started. I hardly missed any fellow student or teacher but I did miss the building. Even now I have sudden flashes of memory where I can see the school building, its corridors, the auditorium and of course my favorite place, the library. I still miss the library. All those story books which I had a mind to finish! Now I deal in literature but somehow that urge is gone. My text books form a good piece of literature but I don't succeed in finishing them only. My book shelf is full of thrillers which I intend to finish someday in future.

Would I really miss JU if I left it? I don't know. I am slow to liking and slow to getting over it! Three years. I have grown up so much. I have learned so much. My views have been shaken up, tossed and put in a whirlwind and been revolved upside down. I am proud to be a Compli'tian. Comparative Literature has opened my eyes and exposed me to so many different kinds of views.

My hunger for knowledge has further been saturated by the Diploma in Social work that I undertook in the first year. And the course in Basic Skills in Conflict Management has made me see the world from different perspectives. It has enabled me to understand human beings better. Though I always fear that it will hamper my ability as a writer- rob me of the power to have critical perspectives, but hey, I have just begun to learn. There's a lot more left to know. If I survive it. God, seeing other people from their perspectives can be so difficult! And you have to mingle the right amount of empathy with the right amount of assertion to make your point clear. It all seems so impossible! I don't know whether I will be able to do it ever. I am a human being, after all.

I tend to be judgmental, I tend to be unreasonable at times. And I am not ashamed of it. As I tell one of my close friends, "It's either my way or the highway!" Lols!! I am not that dominating. But yes, I believe that if I can't be the real 'me' with my near and dear ones, then there is really no point in calling them my close friends. Oops. Sorry. This was something that friend had told me! I believe her.

I have met some really special people in the last few months of my graduation. I don't know how long we will be together. As a matter of fact, I have already fought with two of them. But I am lucky to have them in my life. I am lucky to have all of my "friends" in my life. And by "friends" I don't mean acquaintances. I mean those few people who know me, love me and accept me the way I am. And yes, if they are reading this, they better know that it is not going to change a thing between us. I will still fight with them if I don't like something. Hehehe....

Remember, "it's either my way or the highway". :P

By the way life becomes much more joyful and special with them by my side...

Till next time, Adieos!