Random Thoughts

It's been quite a while since my last post. Truth of the matter is that I did not have anything to write. Or may be I had a lot to write just did not know how. So many things happened so quickly. I was losing my cool, becoming hysteric. But then three consecutive classes of conflict management helped a lot. If I could, I would never want these classes to end.

They give me the booster dose I need in surviving in the jungle of human beings. Matter of fact, I hate human beings. I love most animals but I hate human beings. As Feluda said once, conflict with a dangerous animal is much easier to handle than conflict with even the simplest of human beings. The conflicts have not been sorted out yet. But this time, I won't be the first one to take a step. Will I empathize with the ones who wronged me?

Let's see. Technically I should. But my logic and emotions flow in opposite directions. Empathy is something that comes natural to me in case of strangers and that does not come at all in case of near and dear ones. So right now, I am busy thinking whether I want to keep any relations that pain me at all.

It's true that not having them would pain me even more but time is a big healer as I have already seen. No one is perfect but do I have the courage to forgive the mistakes of loved ones even when they hurt me? I guess time will tell.

As of now I am in a stable condition (which by the way is a very temporary condition) and I don't know how long I will be sane again. I guess unless the matters are sorted out, I will be restless. Can I not approach them? Sure I can. I just don't want to. For I have done no wrong.

Guess it's not my rational self but my ego speaking again. Sometimes I wonder though if all of us became such perfect beings owing to counselling courses, the world would become a very peaceful place. But would that not take away the life from us? Always having to behave rationally, logically. It is so difficult. And painful.

Back in real life, work is already piling up. I am not comfortable with pending work. My few days of viral fever has already loosened the all-time loose screws in my brain. I was acting madly for a few days. Screaming, pushing people away- only because they were getting on my nerves. I am not fully recovered till now. Oh and the swine flu scare got me too- and I was mistaking my fever for the flu. Guess it was just fever after all.

I damaged my own sim and invited virus to my comp. set and they were all ill till yesterday. Now they are ok. Ah my poor baby comp! How I missed thee... Shall I compare thee to a lovely summer's morn?

But enough of it now. I still have to submit an attested copy of my recent marksheet for the admission to the PG course. I still have to get my I-Card done. My results by the way were quite impressive. CGPA (Hons) was 9.51 and CGPA (ED) was 9.75.

Not the best. But I am pretty glad, you know. Atleast something going right in life. This is one of the things that can go right coz it does not involve the "human" factor. Lord, how I detest human agents. They will only spoil a work not contribute to it. I work much better when I work alone.

Speaking of results, I am quite unsure of whether I shall pass this time- considering I sleep through most of the morning classes and our HOD has asked me more than once why I am missing classes. Thought of telling her what I do in the mornings (i.e sleep) but then decided against my better judgment.

My internal assessments are rocking- i.e they are on the rocks. I badly need a change, specially from people who agitate me so much. Escapism? Dunno. Don't care also. I am not the sweeper- as in you know, people make mistakes and you keep on sweeping them away, like the crow. Think I am being delusional? You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Talking of spending time with oneself, I watched a movie today. Love Aaj Kal it was called. I considered the possibility of whether I wanted to write a review on it but the film had nothing worthy to be reviewed in it at least by my standards. I liked it though.

I watched the movie alone, in a near to empty hall munching away at a Rs.75 popcorn. It was pretty fun though. So many people discouraged me while going to the movie saying that it was not worth it. But I still went. I was in a romantic mood and had to see the film.

I remembered that the last thing I asked one of my classmates before going to watch the movie was whether or not it was "logical". I was about to laugh at my own words later on while watching the movie because the very concept challenged my notions of rationality.

Two people break up because they know that the going will get tougher with time. Hehe! I would have been tempted to do the same thing! I loved Rishi Kapoor when he said that "our" generation has brains but no heart. Alas!

Giselle is good. She does not have many dialogues in the film but she embodies the very "Indian" concept of beauty in her looks, poise and she does it with dignity. Saif pretty much replays his roles in Hum Tum and Tara Rum Pum without much change. His Swiss girlfriend looks a lot like Miley Cyrus.

But the icing on the cake is Deepika. She's hot, she's sexy and she will make men go nuts after her and make women want to be like her. I know at least I did.

The very epitome of sophistication, Deepika would not embody any less than a modern day 'femme fatale', the kind that makes men go weak in their knees, not only because of her looks but because of her very personality. She is not that typical Hindi film heroine who cries for her lover. She is the one who does not hesitate to tell him what she thinks of his sister, how idiot he looks when he "tries" to look sexy.

When Saif tells him that she should not drink too much as he has "taken advantage" of her in such situations, Deepika blankly tells him that she acted on being drunk so that he "could" take advantage of her. When Saif tells her that it seemed she had stopped trying to look beautiful after their break up, Deepika jokingly says that she had "been heartbroken" by the break up.

Such is the capacity of laughter- it can portray even the most striking snub in a positive way. I could go on about the overpowering force of laughter to lash upon patriarchal society which always tries to "save" a woman in distress (agitation) as has also been portrayed by Hindi films but I think you get my drift.

I must say that one complaint which I always had about Deepika is that she seems very detached in her roles. No overpowering sense of emotion, no passion. Love Aaj Kal is not different. But here the character suits Deepika's sense of detachment.

Did I mention that Deepika behaves like a positive Capricorn throughout the film? Imtiaz Ali's previous film Jab We Met also portrayed Shahid Kapoor as a complete negative Capricorn. I could immensely relate to him and I do relate to Deepika in some ways in this movie.

She does a good job and if you are still wondering whether or not to go watch this movie, I will give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars. If you are experimental and in a romantic mood, then probably you should go for this movie. But don't expect it to be anywhere near to Jab We Met.

There you go, I have given you a complete review of a movie in a post about my personal life. It's 2:30 am now. I better go sleep or tomorrow I will be missing my HOD's class again.

Tc and keep rockin!