Sunday, July 04, 2010

Loneliness


There were people around her always. Boisterous, forceful, determined to achieve their goals, determined to make her achieve her goals. Nobody ever asked what she wanted. She never asked herself what she wanted. What others wanted for her was more important to her. They had suffered for her, now it was her turn to suffer for them. It was a constant ideology she believed in. Her only aim in life was to make them happy. But then he came. He was a friend. A dear friend. He was the kind of person who made her happy. All those other people around her made her stressed. But he made her warm and comfortable. She loved him for who he was. She wanted to know him. She never wanted to lose him. Never. People she had loved had always left her. She thought it was because she was not good enough for them. This had scared her; she never could be herself with people she liked for fear that they would "reject" her. But his easygoing nature encouraged her. She was not scared to be who she was with him. She loved him. She wanted him to be happy. But somewhere at the back of her mind she knew that he could never be happy with her. But she never wanted to lose him. There was always an uneasiness that this won't last coz it never had before. This friendship, this being there for each other. And it didn't. She blamed herself for the loss. For his indifference. He did not care. She was not good enough. She knew that. She was not good enough to be his friend. But she loved him. Did he know that? Did he understand that no matter how much people loved him, they will never be able to love him as much as she did? There was a time when she used to wait all the while so that they could talk. Now they don't. She is still surrounded by people. People waiting to be her friends. May be people who even genuinely care about her. People who need her. But he is not there. And it is not the same without him. What happened to the easiness which was there when they talked earlier? The places where they met, those places remind her of him even now. There is not one day when she does not think of him. Sometimes she wanders, why did they have to meet only so they could part? And in the midst of all people, she feels lonely. and this loneliness is like frost bites. Cold, cruel and uncompromising.

"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone...."

3 comments:

aashi said...

hmm Change is constant. But acceptance makes life uncomplicated and simple. :)

Nice post.

aashi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the silent observer said...

Yeah I guess. Thanks for liking the post. :)