Worse Than Death-(I)

There are some things worse than death. She knew. The horror. The pain. The trauma. She used to be scared. Of those things in the dark. That were worse than death. She had no one to protect her. She used to protect herself from those dark creatures that moved about in the garb of light. Until...he came.

He was a soldier of light. Different from her. She preferred darkness. Light scared her. Light with its laughter. That mocked her. He drove away her fear. Laughter need not always mock, he said. Laughter can also be happiness. She did not know what to do. He was her sole connection with Light. Should she trust him or not? But something in her heart told her to believe him. Led her towards the soldier of light. She had never listened to her heart before. Then why now? Why believe this stranger all of a sudden? She had no answer. But blinded by the sudden gush of light that the soldier brought in, she followed him.

He led her through beautiful mountains, rolling streams and green valleys. They flew over white clouds. Blue Sun, Yellow Sky. The geese flew by their side. Everything was bathed in light. She was timid. But beside his warmth, she felt strong. She wanted to hold on to him forever. But suddenly there was a Fall. She fell. Down and down she went. Tumbling down from the Elysium, she fell to the Nethers. Suddenly there was no light! The sudden change from light to darkness blinded her eyesight. She thought it was a dream. A bad dream. She rubbed her eyes. She sat up. Dark bleak caves surrounded her. She imagined her prince coming down. She was confident. He would come down to save her! She just knew it!

Ugly creatures surrounded her. They mocked her. You left us for him! Now he's left you! Never!! She screamed. He was not like them, she protested with all her might. He would come and take her away any moment now. She waited. And waited. Nobody came. Her faith was not shaken. She knew he would come. For days she lay like that in that darkness. Finally one day she decided to meet him. Ignoring the ugly mocking of those ugly creatures, she turned to Light. Once again. She went in search of her prince. The soldier of Light.

The world of Light seemed cold now. Without him by her side, she felt unwelcome. She much preferred the anonymity of the dark. She also saw those things. Those dark things that moved about in the garb of light. But light all around her protected her from them. She searched for her Prince everywhere. There he was, sitting by the Elysian Fields. She ran up to him. Hugged him. Kissed him with her tears. Where was he? Did he not know she was alone? Did he not know how much she had missed him? He was nonchalant. Indifferent. Cold.

His coldness struck her heart. That warm tender feeling in her heart was being threatened by his icy stare. He seemed opaque. Distant. She could not touch him. She shouted out to him. He didn't respond. Her hand..it could not touch him any more. He looked at her. Indifferent. Rude. Who was she? What was she doing here?

She refused to believe what she saw. May be he did not remember. So what. She was his..friend, she tried to remind him. He didn't remember. She explained all the beautiful journeys they had been on together, through clouds, over mountains, rivers and green valleys. The blue sun and yellow sky! He laughed. How can the sun be blue? It was impossible. She told him she loved him. He said it had all been a dream. None of it was true.

She went silent. Inside she was still trying to convince herself that all of it was real. This....this moment was a dream...a nightmare. He could not be like this with her. She told him she had loved him all this while. Why did he not understand? Hadn't he felt the radiant warmth between them? He hadn't. But...but he brought her out from darkness. He made her feel the warmth of light. How can he not feel it? He did not answer.

She was lost. Confused. But..but it had been so real. How could it be a dream? What she felt for him was real. Couldn't he see that? That warm tender feeling inside her heart..that surely could not have been a dream? Or was it? She was terrified. What would happen now? She..could not go back to the Nethers. She had no one to stay for in the Elysium. She had nowhere to go. He had left her. Abandoned her.

For some time she remained drowned in her misery. She had nothing to give him. Except love. But that was not enough. Why was that not enough? Why? Why? Why? He had melted her heart. Taken away all her love. Now she was squeezed dry. She couldn't love anybody. Not any more!

(to be continued)