Monday, March 07, 2011


I wanted to give the title of this post as "Five reasons why Guys are Dick-Heads" but then figured that, that would increase the readership; which is the last thing I want for this post. Mind's gone blank now. Completely..

And another of my trademark lines, 'So much to tell, so less of words...'


WARNING: As you might have well guessed by now, this post is going to be on depression and my apathy towards humankind; particularly the 'man'kind. The intelligent reader is therefore requested to press the 'return' key or 'close' button on his/her browser. Those who are depressed enough with their lives to commit suicide however, read on... :)

I have been sorely depressed for the past few days. Have not been able to sleep for two nights. Last night particularly kept me awake due to the myriad voices in my head. I am fucked up alright. Couple this up with my paranoia and you have a perfect person. ;)

It will not be right to limit myself by calling my mother an angel. She is more than that, she is like a Goddess on a  pedestal who should be worshiped everyday. However I feel that I don't appreciate her very much. She has tolerated my temper tantrums all this while. Last night for instance, I was throwing chairs and bottles all around. Yes. that's right, Agra coming soon folks.

She gave me an ultimatum on choosing the proper food habit (I've been going without food for some days now, skipping or not eating at all) or look for someplace else to live. Looks like I have to find a place soon. :P

So what's been happening in this overly exciting life of mine that has been driving me completely insane? Actually Nothing. Absolutely Nothing. 

How long have I wanted to speak up, protest when I see something wrong. But it has never been possible. The fear, the apprehension. Makes me feel worthless when I am unable to protest against some wrong happening in front of me. One thing that I particularly hate is the bullying of people. May be coz I have been bullied many times. I know a bully when I see one.

Making fun of someone just because they are different, ostracizing them completely from the community is something bullies specialize in. In my short-lived life, the bullies I have seen generally are mostly girls. There you go, now you know, I am not particularly fond of many girls either. 

Hence Proved: I am not a sexist; I hate everyone. :D

Just because the bullies specialize in dominating the slightly 'different' type, does not mean that they are intelligent. An excerpt from a conversation they had:

Bully 1: Do you know, the couple who is a distant relative of my grandfather's cousin's daughter's cousin's son had a second issue right a year after the birth of their firstborn. How did that happen? :O

3 Other Bullies: :O :O :O

Well, I guess everybody has their area of special interests. Their conversations however remind me of those Zoozoo ads.

So from being the butt of numerous "interesting" and "intelligent" jokes, I have now been respectfully admitted to the Official Bully Club. So how does it feel to smilingly kiss those whose tongues bear spite?

"I wanna thank my Mom, my Dad, the Official Bully Association of my school and all other Bully Associations that have taught me, enabled me, equipped me to be a part of this glorious institution.This honor is dedicated to all those bullies out there who make angry disturbed adults of young innocent children and hence make them fit in amiably with the rest of the world...."


It's funny in a distorted way. But then I pride myself on having a distorted sense of humor. Nevertheless, I still feel very inadequate when the bully group starts finding another victim. They were laughingly sneering about another innocent victim when one of the bullies looked at me and said, "She did not understand who we were talking about", as if to make allowances for my lack of understanding. (So considerate of her!)

I looked at her and said,"You people make things pretty obvious". She immediately looked down.

It enrages me when I see an innocent person being dragged into meaningless taunts and social ostracism when they hurt nobody and are quite adept with their studies and life. Which is much less than one could say about these bullies. I feel like telling them, that the victims are much better than the good-for-nothing bitches and their sons who talk nonsense all day and even make less sense than a can of trash. 

But I can't. Therein lies the irony.

I am not ready to be part of any group. Group-ism has a tendency to generate mass hysteria where normally condemnable things also become acceptable. I have seen some of my closest friends who are generally righteous in nature bring about unthinkable assaults when in part of a group. And I did not like it. 

I'm strictly against extremism of any kind. For that, if people think I am unsocial, so be it. I couldn't give a damn. 

Girls generally tend to hang out together in a bevy- for social purposes. And a bevy of girls is often more spiteful than a single guy. 

Having said that, let's return to the original topic of discussion: Five, sorry Four Reasons why guys are Dick-Heads.

Definition of Dickhead:

1) According to Wikipedia:

"Dickheads were a brand of matches released by Australian businessman Dick Smith in 1999."

2) According to The Free Dictionary:

"Slang a stupid or despicable man or boy
[from dick2 (in the sense: penis) + head]"
3) According to Urban Dictionary:
"A British Word which is used to describe a person who is rude and obnoxious. Most dickheads think they are clever, when they are far from it."
For the theoretical premises of our understanding, we will take into consideration the last two meanings of 'dickhead' stated for our research paper.
Time for a surprise: I am not going to point out any reasons for hating guys, but just point out some of the pathetic stereotypes I have begun to hate lately.
The Authority
Frankly I hate it when guys/men/whatever show their authority. And recently it has become a regular phenomenon. I have had enough of people who think they own me and control my life. No one orders me to do anything! And I don't give a shit to what  a big figure you are!

Spite. Hatred. Rage. All by choice. Controlling your temper for just a few days more. No More, No More.

Who says I can’t be free?
From all of the things that I used to be
Re-write my history
Who says I can’t be free?

It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember you....

The Popular Guy

Second one to top this list: Guys who think they own the world. Arrogance and self obsessive behavior enrages me. Talk to me when you need me and then simply ignore when I pose a question. You, my readers would naturally tell me to avoid such deep shit; well God knows, why I think people are capable of change. God only knows why I listen to my friends who speak so highly of such unworthy shit.

The Friend

Ahh... the Friend. Once a friend, now estranged. Indifference. Formality. What is lost can never be gained back. Still, a longing. And frustration when the longing is not reciprocated. I guess its too much to expect your friend to understand you. At least in my case.

The Heart Breaker

Ahh, my Favorite One! You spend years trying to bring your light funny side to his disposal. Everybody's opinions change, including the bullies. That's alright and relieving but what about the one whose opinions matters the most? What about the one for whom you fought with your close friend? One fine day, he tells you that he finds you arrogant! And in the flicker of an eternity, you realize that all your attempts has led to a BIG ZERO. You give him more impetus than he deserves- you allow him to show a bit of his intelligence-you allow him moments of self indulgence...all the time never questioning it. And you are the arrogant one. Well I've got only two words to say to you buddy: 

Fuck off! :D

You try not to get into too many unpleasantries with him despite the fact that he got his 15 minutes of fame at your cost. (Boy, now do I sound arrogant! Good, I'm getting there. :) )

You have always believed that it was not his fault. And this is what it all leads to. The culmination point.A slap on the face was absolutely necessary to bring you back to reality. Having too much faith in someone's intelligence, someone's sensitivity, eh? Not done. Not everybody is YOU. :D

It is arrogance you want, it is arrogance you will get. 

Be very careful what you wish for. You might just get what you want. :)


Some people have thought over millions of ages that 'advising' me is the best possible way to solve my problems. With due respect, you all are wrong. You generally don't tell me anything I already don't know. What further irritates me is when somebody uses my lines on me! I mean that's atrocious. Seriously huneybunch, what were you thinking? And yes, never ever tell me what to do. I hate people who preach. (Coz I do that most of the time and am pretty aware of the intricacies, you see. Preaching is for dumbos. And I am not one.) But if you have anything new to contribute, by all means do. Facts are welcome. Your suggestions are welcome too. Most of all, what I would like is a good listener who can empathize. Most of the time, the solutions are pretty simple. Any ass can come up with them. The trick however is to motivate a person towards the solution. I agree motivating me is not easy. In those cases, shut the hell up. Or at least try to listen. If you can't do that either, well then go away. I won't cry. 

Those of you who have been patient enough to read through this whole article might have one thought now: that I am particularly deranged and self obsessed. Yes I am. I actually felt pretty self obsessed while writing the conclusion. And you know what, I'm happy about it. Why I choose to be someone else's version you ask? Revenge. Hatred. No more Miss Nice Girl. Insects are meant to be squashed, not petted and so they will be. And no gender discrimination there, I promise you. :)

But you know what the most ironic thing about this state of affairs is? 

That after reading this, people will come and tell me that I write exceptionally well.

And then they ask me why I am pessimistic. 

p.s: Happy Women's Day.


Phoenix said...

total dhinchak post and totally loved it... didnt know u are capable of saying fuck off.. and im fucked up!

Hail Dips!!! tussi great ho!

RAY7 said...

Naw.. you don't write "that" well. :P Interesting, funny, cool. I liked the way you wrote this post. Very free flowing (whatever that meant) with no qualms whatsoever. I am also trying to guess the male and female bullies that star in your post. Would like to see more of such posts...keep them coming!
PS: You FOUGHT with your closest gal pal for a Dickhead? How could you? You should thank your stars if she took you back after that! =P XD